Drama

Do I like Drama or what?

OH MY Word...

I must really like Drama & Excitement....

NOT!!!!!

We had an incident tonight at a fast food place involving my daughter and her SDIT. Of course, I got involved too. Because my daughter freaked out and I wanted to know exactly what was going on. Anyways, it's quite a story.

I held my ground and demanded to know his name & badge and who he was with and he wouldn't provide it. I did give him the 800 for the US Dept. of Justice. And I also called the police who took a statement. I will tell you I know security cameras are crappy for picture quality. But this was an absolute nightmare of trying to identify someone on it when they are various shades of gray blobs.

The police officer was very concerned and has had issues with something similar recently. I think when he told me that it's too bad I didn't have a camera phone for his picture that I started to shake.

My cell has a camera and I don't know how to use it. I just hope that we never have another altercation with this psycho again. And I hope that my daughter will be ok and feel like she can go into businesses again with her SDIT.

Seeing is a luxury??? Since when???
Current mood: peeved

I can't believe eye sight is considered a luxury. Since when? Not seeing going blind has always been portrayed as a tragedy around here. That's how the doc's have portrayed it so far to me too. So when did it change?

If the person who's denying the service was in my shoes... Do you think they'd still consider it a luxury or would it suddenly be changed to a necessity?

I've gone from it's not a big thing to hoppin mad and livid. I will fight. and I will not be afraid to walk over the top of them and go to the next level. I will appeal. and this will also call in the Marines if I need too. Or well those government people that so often hear from me over stupid decisions and come in and get it straight it out.

Frustrated
Current mood: frustrated

Well... It's true. My being sick this past weekend did damage.

I'm worse in the left and starting to get some serious damage to the right. As of this moment I have to have the surgery if any hope of stopping the damage is going to happen.

As it stands. I'm still broke and still being denied the surgery because it's considered a luxury. WTF? Something is horribly wrong with this picture.

I bet the people I've been dealing with who are using terms of luxury and elective and denying wouldn't feel that way if this was happening to them.

I'm just so frustrated. 2 docs are writing letters. Both are stating this is mandatory and not a luxury or elective procedure. Both are sharing the decreased function in their letters and still it's a no. Why?

Who did I tick off? Is this because of what goes around comes around? What the heck did I do this time?

Why I’ve been so quite....
Current mood: blah

The car accident in November, 2007 has caused an interesting chain reaction.

Things are very confusing. To not bore those who've heard this a thousand times +.

Yes, I still have a headache. being upright for to long, bending over to say pick up something off the floor, and going through Mountain passes all make it worse. Lying flat does help. Mainly because it means that I don't have to worry about falling, but it no means makes it better.

I've had 2 spinal taps. the 1st one was heavenly. The 2nd one not so much. Both showed elevated pressure thus one doctor feels that I do have intracranial hypertension. However, another disagrees with this based on their limited information of my medical history, and not seeing me prior nor after nor during the time that led up to the referral. Their disagreement is solely on the basis of numbers.

IF I have intracranial hypertension it should be in the 200+ range and I'm not there. However, those who know my family history (my mother, MY thyroid cancer, the reason for the removal of fallopian tubes & Uterus, and a few other things) beg to differ.

Going on what's normal for one may not be normal for another rule and how that's been true for so many years in me. (Ex. I shouldn't have thyroid cancer solely based on my age. I did. I shouldn't have had growths on the fallopian tube, but I did. I shouldn't have had something wrong with my uterus but I must have because it was removed with the fallopian tubes based on what the doctor found at the time of surgery. I shouldn't have had my hearing lost instead the blow should of killed me and yet I'm alive and the hearing is gone. I shouldn't have a problem stopping bleeding after delivering a child but I do and that's why I can't have more. I shouldn't react to surgical steel but I do much to the dismay, surprise, and horror of 2 different doctors. At least now they can laugh about it and it's a good story to enlighten others with.)

I have recently been told my "brain farts" that have been around since November, 2007 are all because of the medication I'm on. A medication known for cognitive dulling or making one stupid that I started in Feb. 2008. The ones who are blaming the medication are the ones who are disagreeing with the intracranial hypertension also. I'm very confused. Yes, the meds aren't helping me with being smarter but the fact remains this was happening prior to the meds so I don't buy the meds are the sole cause.

As for my vision. Well... To be honest this has left me in a very depressed state. I was stupid and let my hopes get up high. I let vanity get the best of me. I like my peripheral vision. I have been very proud of it. So losing it has been a bit of a blow to me. But worse than the loss is that I chose foolishly to believe that going and having a procedure would restore my sight. I was totally convinced that I would go down with no vision and come home totally seeing once I healed up from the procedure... It didn't happen.

As it stands, I'm trying to process the information given by a specialist who's a) not familiar with my medical history b) not familiar with my case either prior to nor after the accident that led me to see her c) insists that I am being treated by quacks and d) the 1 reason I'm struggling is her remark that "Girls can't have autism because it's a Male ONLY disease." Forgive me for not thinking highly of said specialist especially after the last statement she made.

I understand that there are things about me that are weird. I'm sorry to say that is a fact I've come to accept a long time ago. I'm also sorry to say that I don't see every white coated person with a long line of letters after their name and a bunch of degrees from different medical institutions as being "god like" with all knowing powers. I see them as being well human with a tad bit more education than others and especially me. IF this makes me a difficult patient well so be it. At least it keeps me alive. but I digress.

I was told I most likely have Graves disease from the specialist. I have over the years believed and trusted my doctors that I don't have Graves disease. Do I or don't I have Graves disease? I don't know. How do I find out? I'm not sure. Why? because it means that I can't trust the doctors who tell me repeatedly that I don't have Graves disease. Is it worth it? I don't know. The specialist claims that it's an issue. That I must have it. But do I trust her when she can't tell me what's going on with my vision other than I'm not fitting the bill? I'm not following the textbook?

I learned that what the eye doctor saw in November, what the retinal specialist/eye doctor saw in Dec, Jan, Feb. is also being seen by this specialist and the surgeon. I have a lot of floaters and debris in my eye that doesn't add up. I should with the amount that is being seen have retinal problems but my retinas are fine. They can't answer it. Nor can they answer why the coughing, sneezing, puking, pressure changes from altitude, etc. cause both increased headache and the flashes, floaters, etc.

Because no one can explain why or tell me how to avoid it a bit more practically than don't cough, sneeze, puke, etc. I'm not sure what to do, what to believe, or what's going on with me, and honestly it's making me feel really down. Remarks of making a "Bucket List" only for sight stuff and yet being told that because of other things... I could get my sight back is well a bit depressing. Why make a "Bucket List" if my sight can come back? Or is that to mean that she doesn't have a clue and is following in the footsteps of the "local quacks" I see here???

Any ways, I spent money for nothing. Now I got to figure out away to get my son to his medical appointment with Shriners.

I'm also trying to figure out away to deal with a 100+ other stressors like not knowing how much $'s I'll have per month, not qualifying for services & assistance for things that I am being referred to, etc.

So hopefully that explains why I've been so quiet.

Clouds are hanging low and dark...
Current mood: depressed

Things are getting tight here. I don’t know why but this week has been a big down pouring of bad news...

Income has been decreased by oh... a ton. We won’t qualify for services even with the decreased income because if the paperwork that is missing is found then the income could come back... we just have to tough it out and be smart and save for a rainy day... and yet we aren’t allowed to save. LOL just gotta love that they like to keep you between a rock and a hard place.

A dear friend of mine is still MIA. It’s no longer painful but am scared that something horrible has happened to her because of the stuff that happened in July/August. I just got a bunch of undeliverable notices that has made me realize just how long it’s been and I really miss her...

I’m adjusting to the limited eye sight. I have found that I can ease my headaches a bit if I don’t use that eye. However, I’m still really frustrated because the one thing that helps is the one thing I’m being told I can’t have. Not to mention the med challenges. Not only is the price of what I have to buy been upped but the fact that I’m suppose to re-try some of them that about did me in just totally sent me over the edge of my sanity into the insane part.

My dd is doing much better now that we have started her on a new med. However, it’s gotta be tweaked and followed on carefully so... I’m nervous about it. It’s good because we are seeing a break through the fog is lifting but it’s bad because last time she was on it she got on huge doseages towards the end and I would hate for her to have to stop it. It’s helping her anger get under control which is backing up exactly what the other doc type person said it would. this is encouraging but again such a grey area that I’m worried about it. the best thing to happen since starting this new med is that it’s caused us to be able to reduce the other med’s use.

That’s another worry. The lawsuit chasers are out in droves and really putting the pressure on. I hate myself for using meds enough without being told that the only thing we’ve had that worked is criminal to be used. It’s one of those I’m damned if I use the med and I’m damned if I don’t situations. i beat myself up enough over the choices I’ve made thus far with her without having threats added to it.

Its just been a long road of nothing but bad news this week. I’m gun shy to go to the mail box and answer the phone.

Another downer is 4 people canceled thier orders this week (because of politics), I can’t get the new sites approved to be listed and I’ve not got a clue as to why. I got a form letter where I’m not sure which of the 15+ things on it I’m in violation of.

And probably the biggest reason I’m blue is this is anniversary week in a way. mainly because it’s Easter and Easter is a tough holiday for me in so many, many ways. 25 years doesn’t seem possible that it’s been that long and I still silently grieve over it. Few understand and even fewer know this.

So if this sounds all dark and blue and not like my normal self. It’s because it’s depressing and there’s more going on than just a bump in the road so to speak. I should be back to my bouncy self after Sunday.