Well... I guess it's safe to say that I really messed up.

We were in a MVA and I had a headache and some vision problems pretty much from a couple of heart beats past the moment of impact on. It's been dismissed in the beginning as well that's to be expected you were just hit. It's been dismissed after a few days as that's only to be expected cause your taking this & that drug. I did get into a doc who looked and said he couldn't see anything and wouldn't do a referral to an eye doctor who might have been able to have seen something. Nothings improved so I figure screw it go to the eye doctor on my own... but I can't because of it being Thanksgiving. So I finally get in yesterday.

Yep, there's a problem. Yep, I messed up by waiting too long to get in.

My vision has had a serious and shocking change for the worse from 6 months ago. From here on macula has to do with the eye. There is swelling of the macula of the eye. There are lots of floaters and debris and fibers that shouldn't be there unless something really bad happened and yet oddly enough the really bad stuff that would cause this can't be seen. Like a detached retina. I'm not following the textbook. LOL (this is normal and the story of me. )The one thing that has him very concerned and angry that I wasn't given better advice and not taking seriously with my complaints is that I have a spot in my eye with extremely diminished blood flow. Something that can lead to the loss of my vision & eye. Something that could be helped if caught within the 1st 48 hours. I'm 2 weeks and 1½ days past that.

Now the eye doctor is going to attempt to get me into a retina specialist and while it's no longer an emergency (damage has been done) It's still not something I can wait on getting into be seen for. I need to get in within the next 2 weeks or else. Because I also still have the headache and the brain farts, he feels I need to have some testing like a CAT scan and MRI. He is very concerned that I have a head injury that the doctors because of my lack of preferred insurance (My lack of following textbooks) aren't taking seriously. I'm still trying to get into my regular doctor but the nurse is refusing to schedule me. Yeah I know I'm not the only patient. I also know that I wouldn't be so annoying about getting into him if I didn't have a problem.

So will my eye be saved? have I set myself up for some major problems in the future? will my vision be restored? will I have problems from an undetermined injury? etc. Well that's to be determined.

To see or not to see that is the question.

Well. The headache and vision issues linger. It's been 2 weeks 1 day and at least 18 hours but who's counting. LOL

The concerns are that something really, really bad has happened from the accident.

I don't quite have all the medical mumbo jumbo down. I can see the pictures, the page number & text but I can't get it out. I finally got into an eye doctor yesterday. I've been trying since 24 hours past the accident. anyways, there are floaters, fibers, and debris, there is evidence of some swelling to critical areas (macula involvement). Most of this is what should go with a retina detachment or tear. but it's not being seen. Now that means that it has corrected itself (something that just doesn't happen) or that it's in an area that the eye doc can't see or is over looking. So he's wanting me to get a 2nd opinion. (Hey how neat is that? a doc who's not playing a know it all and is open and pushing for a 2nd opinion?)

He's also noticed some serious issues with my thinking. At one point during the eye exam I had to draw the answers because I just couldn't think of the name of the letters/numbers or describe what I was seeing. this has been happening since the accident. It's highly embarrassing and annoying. He thinks I may have some type of enclosed head trauma and need the tests (CAT scan and MRI) that the ER doc wouldn't run because of allergies, that the other doc put off as being related to the meds and my being suicidal (long story involving Tylenol for pain relief) and the fact that I still can't get into my regular MD (nurse issues). I'm suppose to be referred to a neurosurgeon by both ER and doc but it's not looking like it's happening any time soon. The one gal who was attempting it said that my appointment won't be until May of '08. Nothing like getting in fast like the ER & eye docs want is there?

So well this all leads to the new questions as to what's going to happen now.

Right now it's also wait and see and try to get into the Retina specialist. Although the eye doc is going to be calling and setting up this appointment himself. Talk about another thing you don't see to often.

Well that's the next chapter in the saga of the latest in our life

Things I've learned lately:

That I'm most definitely been drinking too much kool-aid. Why? cause I used a food poisoning experience as a health, science, and home ec lesson. Along with another parent.

that sometimes the best field trips are those that are unplanned. The best motivator for learning is a real life episode that drives home how important the boring, drill type work can be (name, dob, phone , address just as an example)

that EMT & Paramedics have no sense of humor. OK that may sound cold hearted and it's not meant that way. I'm just not sure how to explain it. I have 2 kids who upon 1st glance appear normal. But they aren't cause they have special needs. One with a phonological disorder. The other who regresses to being a parrot when stressed out both of which is normal. And trying to explain that it's ok or that they may have altered responses which would be normal for them that doesn't relate to a head injury is tough. While trying to find the dog tags and being told the dog tags are on the dog where they belong and to stop looking for them. Well to me it was just really funny and no one got what I was trying to do until I was actually able to finally find the dog tags for the EMT/Paramedics. I'm really really glad that they were serious and took it for signs of head injuries and put them on back boards & neck collars the whole 9 yards.

Which makes me wonder how to better handle this issue in the future...

But EMT/Paramedics really, really liked the dog tags I made for myself and the kids. That there really was a plan for why I was sent to learn engraving. and maybe it wasn't so nuts for someone who can't read a ruler or do metric or percentages to be in a high demand for said skill job. Making these dog tags is what earned me the job.

That I don't follow textbook instructions, depictions, etc. should be tattooed on me some how. Maybe then someone would get it. LOL

I have CMT that means that I look a little funny. It means that I won't respond to your silly little tests the way you want me to or you think I should. Don't play the can you feel it game and not touch me to see if I am lying to you. All your going to do is bring back a lot of bad memories because that was one of the most favorite games of my childhood it ranked right up there with spin the crip and glue the crip. Sorry it's been 30 years of being hurt bad enough to warrant a visit to the ER. Then having to disagree with the doc that I really don't need a referral to the Orthopedic doc for emergency treatment based on his opinion of my feet. I know how gross my feet look especially after 30 years with them. My feet are normal when they look all messed up. If you tell me my feet look normal your going to freak me out because then clearly something isn't right and yes, I realize that normal for me isn't normal for you. But I really, really hate the remarks of why didn't you say something after you learn that I'm not messed up while down playing my protests as an obvious case of head trauma or the Orthos glaring because no I don't want my feet fixed now and have wasted their time. yes, you may make them cosmetically more appealing but they're working for me just fine now, so why should I change it? When they stop... then we can talk. And Please Don't lecture me on what my parents refused to have fixed. I've tried to build a bridge over that painful part of my life and move on beyond it.

As for the lectures about driving... Yes, I know I have slower speeds and am at greater risk for accidents. Why do you think I don't drive any more than I have to? And I really don't get behind the wheel of a vehicle between Oct. 15th and May 15th? Unless the roads are totally dry the weather perfect or there's a bloody emergency. It's not because I want to go out and kill people and crash up cars for fun. It's because I am well aware of my limitations; I'm not immortal nor am I a goddess. And if you really check my history you'll fine that I have never been the driver in the accidents I've been in but always the passenger. And yes, I know that I'm lucky to be alive and how I can't take any more hits. After all I've got the images of those who didn't make it permanently etched in my mind and their last vocal echoes in my ears. It's also why I take massive amounts of anti-anxiety meds in the winter and have a running dialog or chant I repeat when I am a passenger especially in the zones of previous accidents or on the anniversary of said accidents. And if that isn't enough penance how about the twinges of pain I get that clearly point out each injury as its way of protesting loudly and reminds me.

I like Tylenol. It doesn't take the pain away. It does take the edge off so I can be a nicer person. Yes, I know I'm taking to much Tylenol but I'm not suicidal. I want to be able to move from point A to point B with a somewhat smile on my face. It's also why I am here. For your help with something that I can take which will be more effective than what I got. yeah I can take morphine but I'd rather not thank you very much. Why? Hmmmm. let's count the reasons 1) I want it to remain effective for when I have surgery 2) I like being able to pee Oh was that too much information 3) I like being able to breathe unaided and on my own... Oh was that again too much information. Again that's why I save it for the hospital where I can be properly monitored while taking it. 4) I have a strong family tradition of getting hooked to it. Something I'd like to skip if at all possible. Not to mention that getting said prescription filled at a local pharmacy would raise numerous eyebrows and start tongues waging and I really don't want to have to deal with CPS any more than I have. Thank You very much. And I'm a coward to try pot which supposedly is good for pain at least according to my bil but again with my family history I'd rather not go their either. If I could guarantee I wouldn't start bleeding on Advil I'd take it. If I guarantee I wouldn't break out in hives I'd take the Aleve. If I could get the ringing in the ears to go away and wouldn't bleed once the sneezing starts I'd just take simple aspirin. Since I can't be guaranteed this. What is left for me to take? And don't you get that I'm here asking for your help because I don't want to be taking this much Tylenol. I want pain relief. Simple trustworthy pain relief that won't kill me off but help break this vicious cycle I'm in. As for the codeine part. It means you have to give me a smaller dosage based on me weighing a lot less than I do otherwise I just sleep for really long periods of time and I'm really OK with that too as long as I can get some relief.

Never take your eyesight for granted. It can be taken from you in a blink of an eye.

Don't trust doctors to tell you or refer you on if you have an eye problem. Especially since they aren't eye doctors. They don't care about vision.